Saturday, May 07, 2005

For Mother's Day

A lighter look at the "dark side" of mothering (sorry mom . . . hehehe):


Smother

And where do you think you’re going?
Because I said so, that’s why.
Come back here this instant.
Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.
For crying out loud.
Go ask your father.
How many times do I have to tell you?
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.
I don't have to explain myself. I said NO.
I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
I'm not going to ask you again.
Just wait till you have children.
Keep your mouth shut.
Leave your brother alone.
Mother is going to count to three . . .
Now, look at me when I’m talking to you.
Oh come on, a little soap and water never killed anybody.
Pick it up! I don’t care who put it there.
Quit running in the house!
Running away? I'll help you pack.
Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Too sick to go to school? Then you’re too sick to play outside.
Uncross those eyes before I slap you silly.
Very funny — watch your language.
What part of NO don't you understand?
XYZ — examine your zipper.
You better not be chewing gum.
Zip it.

2 comments:

jenni said...

amazing--you even managed to make it an abcedarian!

One of my mom's favorites was:

"Why? Because I said so, that's why."

Peter said...

One of my mom's best lines, when one of us boys would come crying to her that one of the other brothers had "hit me for nothing" was: "Then charge him a nickel!" lol . . . good times.