You can't be alive unless you have a doctor's note

Social Security declared teacher dead

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
PASCO -- No one knows how the Social Security Administration decided that Doris Pennington was dead, but she has spent the past week, including a visit to the doctor, trying to convince the agency that she is very much alive.

This story is too funny. When she asked if they had her husband down as dead too, the staff person said she could not give her that information.

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And in other news:

Lynne Spears's Parenting Book 'Delayed Indefinitely'

HAHAHAHA. You can't make this stuff up!

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Your assignment: Combine these two news items, plus one other of your choosing, into a poem.